She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
