Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"

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(520): View more from Arizona

woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes

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(+61): View more from Australia

She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!

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(919): View more from North Carolina

All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.

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(419): View more from Ohio

You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Um. I literally have no words.

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(360): View more from Washington

Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.

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(248): View more from Michigan

No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.

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(214): View more from Texas

NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.

(469): View more from Texas

BP at your house from now on.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt

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