Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
