I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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