my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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