can u get pink eye on your cock?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
