this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
