I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
