so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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