imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize