Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We have started to decorate penises.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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