My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
