I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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