Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
