New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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