Nicole vs. Life
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
