You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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