I wish my penis had an off switch
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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