will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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