Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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