I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
