I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
