Cold hands, warm shart.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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