The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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