I'm lost and stupid without you.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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