it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
