So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
