is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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