john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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