I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
