We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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