I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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