I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
