Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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