I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
