mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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