i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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