meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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