so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
