I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
