I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
