It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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