So drunk its hurt
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
