I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
