singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
