I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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