I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
