Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
