He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
