She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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