Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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