stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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