I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
