i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
