I will die if light touches me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
