well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
