Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
