she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
