you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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