I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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