Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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