I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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