hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
