I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
