I am in a vortex of obligation.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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