Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Be still, my beating vagina.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
