the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
