sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
