So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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