But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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