i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
