My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
