Cold hands, warm shart.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
