My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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