Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
