He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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