the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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