I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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