pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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