Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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